The Story of PAUSE
My husband & I moved to Waterville, Maine in April 2010, we had to go a WHOLE week without internet or T.V. {GASPS}. Imagine if you will... we had to actually spend quality time together, we had to talk to one another! So one night {without our cable or internet} my husband Jason and I were talking and I had asked him if God has our lives all planned out then why do some people die in such tragic ways, what can be learned from it?
I had a friend whose daughter was killed in a freak car accident. One of those accidents where you could never in a million years prepare for an accident like this and yet you couldn't fathom it could really happen. Why did she die? What could others learn from it? Sometimes death doesn't make sense. People die every day for different reasons sometimes there is a purpose and other times there isn't!
Then I asked my husband why my son Jaleel died from a bed sharing accident at 26 days old? What could others take from his death? What could they
learn? He said maybe Jaleel died so I could educate others on how dangerous bed sharing is! Hmmm... Why dear that is a fabulous idea!!! It got me
thinking...maybe Jaleel's purpose wasn't for him to live here on earth with us, but to die tragically so through me he could educate on not only the dangers of
bed sharing, but on how to teach parents and caregivers how to create a safe sleep environment for infants in their care.
So when theTime Warner technician came {I loved that man that day! He was my new BFF} and our internet was all set up, I went on my favorite site. Of course none other than Face book! I logged in and in the search box I typed" co-sleeping" and the results saddened me. The only pages or groups I found were pages promoting bed sharing, and how there was nothing greater than a parent and baby sleeping together! Why had no one started a fan page of the deadly dangers It may have been because I am one of the few people who has lost a child to positional asphyxiation caused by bed sharing. The pages I found were ones like, ""I heart co-sleeping" or "Bed-Sharing/Co-Sleeping/Family-Bed" and the pictures they posted were so scary!!! How have their babies survived? I guess pure dumb luck!
So in my brilliance {on occasion it happens} I decided if there wasn't a page to educate on the deadly dangers of bed sharing, well then gosh darn it, I will make one!!! On April 12, 2010 I am proud to say "Parents Against Co-Sleeping" also known as PACS was born!!!
Not even a day later I received a message from a wonderful woman named Tiffany and she told me she found my page PACS, and she
also lost her daughter to a bed sharing accident. I couldn't believe it! There was someone out there like me, who lost their child to this silent killer!!! The
same day I received another message from Lisa. Her son Dayton also died from bed sharing. For nearly four years since my son died, I felt so alone. There were moms who lost their babies from SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), Stillbirth, Miscarriage, Cancer, car accidents, drowning’s {the list goes on and on, sadly!} but not one of those women had ever lost their baby the way I had! When Tiffany & Lisa messaged me I realized I wasn't alone. There were moms out there who bed shared because they thought they were doing the best for them and just like me tragedy stuck and their lives were forever changed! Lisa & Tiffany's stories along with many others can be found on our facebook page. Please take the time to read them!
I was surprised how many fans PACS got, and was so happy that my little 26 day old son, Jaleel, was doing
what he was meant to do educate and save babies! Now, it isn't all sunshine and rainbows. There are many people that do not agree with what I do or what this
page represents. That was a hard pill to swallow in the beginning. Some people were harsh and cruel with their words and I took it hard!
I wanted to quit and those people made me question if I was a good mother to Jaleel. I mean how could a mother sleep while her baby was most likely gasping for his last breaths? I called Lisa up crying.Saying I can't do this! I give up!!! Thankfully, she wouldn't let me!!!
Now before PACS was created no one knew the WHOLE story of how Jaleel died, not even the coroner! I was so afraid of being judged and that my worst
fears would come true, that I was a bad mom. Now I won't go into detail here, but his story is in our notes if you would like to read it. Now everyone knew
Jaleel died while in bed with me but no one knew that it was a pillow that caused his death, a pillow the one and only time I put him on! Now I took me
almost four years to come out with the WHOLE TRUTH and now I am very open about it, because I feel that it needs to be told, regardless of how bad it might make me sound!
I can't tell you how many times pro bed sharers have told me that my son died from unsafe bed sharing. This point I will not argue, because you can't argue with the truth! They tell me instead of condemning bed sharing that I SHOULD be educating parents on how to bed share safely! The problem is how can I educate on something I do NOT believe in? I might as well start telling people that unicorns are real, because I believe in unicorns as much as I believe in safe bed sharing. I think you can follow ALL of the so called "Safe Bed Sharing Guidelines" and your baby can still die. When you bed share you are placing your child in an unsafe sleep environment and add to that a baby who can't move their head or hands if something is obstructing their airway then they will die. They are too small to protect themselves, so it's our job to protect them!!!
About eight months ago. We closed our "Parents Against Co-Sleeping" page as many times people would tell us the correct term is bed sharing not co-sleeping. Co-sleeping is another term for room sharing, but face book will not allow you to change a fan page name if you have over 100 fans, and at this point we have over 1,500 fans!!! So we decided we would make a new page called PAUSE (Parents Against Unsafe Sleep Environments). The name was given to us by Heather Glaser (who works with Crib for Kids in PA! Thank you Heather for allowing us to use this name!
So that is the story of how PACS & PAUSE came about. We now educate anyone willing to listen on the dangers of not only bed sharing but unsafe sleep. I have many people to thank for the success of PAUSE. First of all Jaleel without him this page wouldn't exist. Of course my wonderful husband who didn't know it at the time but gave me the idea to start of fan page on the dangers of bed sharing and unsafe sleep for infants. To Lisa West, Tiffany Kaucher, Trinity Woods, and all the other moms who have helped PAUSE to become what it is and for being brave enough to share their story will anyone willing to listen. Also this page wouldn't be a success without all of our fans!!! And of course I can't forget Deborah Robinson, Shawn Parcells, Linda Tantawi, Sara Tamburrino, Karen Wheatley, Jennell Cardin and so many others. Thank you for teaching me along the way and for being there when I need help or a second opinion!!! THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS MADE PAUSE SUCH A HUGE SUCCESS!!!!!